Greetings,
For the last few blogs I have shared with you my trip to the Mayo Clinic as well as my plans to get back into the game of life. As I said before it is always exciting to start a new chapter in life. Along with a new treatment plan concentrating on my pain I have also completed the rough draft of a manuscript that I have been working on for some time now. My son, Jacob, has been contributing his talent as a writer and we now have a working draft. This latest project has been a labor of love as it has helped me work out some of the thoughts and feelings that have plagued me since my first brain surgery. It is a work of fiction but has many elements of truth concerning my life.
I love to write but, I must admit, I am far from being considered an "author". Ever since my last surgery I have had trouble with my vision. It is very hard for me to track sentences across the page of a book. I love to read and so that has been a real challenge. Most of my sermons are memorized or outlined in size 85 font! So, it should be painfully obvious, that I talk better than I write and I am not sure if there is much difference between the two! After my surgeries I lost a number of mental capacities; I lost some memories, I lost much of the ability to tell directions. (Maybe that was gone before the surgeries!) And I lost all ability to construct a sentence that would pass any exam one might take as a freshmen in high school. My verbs have lost action, my adjectives have lost the ability to describe, and I am pretty sure that my participles have been left dangling!
But, throughout all of this, I still enjoy writing. That is why I am so excited to push forward with this manuscript. I don't know if it will ever be published. That would be great but not necessary for me to feel a sense of accomplishment. The title of the book is "The Reluctant Dreamer". It is still in it's very early stages but we have moved onto editing and we are making a goal of having it ready to shop out to publishers by January of 2012. When people go through a particularly rough patch in their lives it is good to have a small victory came their way. That is what this book is for me. Will anyone besides my family ever read it? I don't know? Will this story ever find the shelves of Barnes and Noble or the Internet pages of Amazon.com? Probably not but that doesn't diminish my sense of accomplishment. Everyone needs to win one every now and then and, with all humility, I think I deserve a win.
So, over the next few months I am going to be sharing my progress with you. I know it is against any rule that a true author would have in even mentioning their manuscript ideas. The way that I look at it is that if there is another person who needs to have this story published more than me I wish them the best. Don't get me wrong I am not giving away the plot or any spoilers..I am not stupid! But, I want to give you little bits of a story that shows the struggle of a young man who seeks to be obedient to God. So, here is just a tidbit from "The Reluctant Dreamer":
"The car that Ben was driving slid wildly around the corner. The speed of the turn created enough centripetal force that he was thrown into the driver’s side door. The door handle dug into his ribs temporarily knocking the wind out of him. Ben’s eyes began to blur as a new wave of pain ripped through his battered body.
His every thought was of Chloe as he willed his mind back from the abyss of unconsciousness. Looking down the darkened road he could see the bridge and he could hear the train. He slammed the accelerator to the floor and the engine responded with a surge of power. “Come on! Come on!” Ben shouted. Again, he pushed the gas pedal with all his might but it was already pegged to the floor of the car. Whatever the car’s top speed was Ben had reached it and deep down inside he knew that it wasn’t going to be enough.
“Faster!” he begged. “Faster!” Ben had seen the bridge collapsing in his vision and he had watched in horror as the train had derailed and slammed into the Senator’s car killing the woman he loved. He tried to put the gruesome picture out of his mind but he couldn’t. “I’m not going to make it!”
Until next time!
Derek
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Halftime!
Greetings,
I am please to let all of you know that Christine and I have returned from our trip to the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix. We have come home with a treatment plan that has instilled hope in us. It will involve a number of different approaches from tapering back meds to counseling with an approach to chronic pain management to excercise. I will be paying close attention to my body and the messages that it is sending to me. Overall, we were pleased with our trip. The road to recovery will be difficult but I am confident.
Today, I want to share with you something that I believe I have shared before. There is one thing that we learned at the clinic which is absolute...I can't remember anything. So, if this post sounds amazingly familiar it could be due to the fact that you might have read it before. Anyhow, here it goes.
Coming back from Mayo is an interesting experience. One reason is that you are placed on a new track for recovery. The other reason, for me at least, is that it gives you the sense of starting over. The teast that I endured over those 10 days have showm me that there are just as many things are right with as wrong with me. And in that realization comes hope. Today is a new day for me. Today is a new day to begin again. I have experienced days like this before and ended up right back where I started before hope took hold of me. The great thing about today is that I can take all of those days in the past where my hope had been dashed or my excitement curtailed and think of them for what they really are...the past. For 10 days we heard about the damage that occurred because of my previous brain surgeries. Believe me it gets very old hearing, "Your problem is that you have had three too many brain surgeries." I agree wholeheartedly with that but, unfortunately, that knowledge gets me know where closer to recovery. I can't change that fact all I can do is move froward from today doing things that I can do today...right now!
Andy Andrews, who I quote often, wrote in his book "The Traveler's Gift" about Gabriel the Archangel who tells the main character David Ponder that "Nothing is as unimportant than the score at halftime". What a great philosophy! Nothing is as unimportant than what has already happened because what has already happened can be changed, fixed, addressed, or reversed by what we do today! All of my health issues that have plagued me in the past occurred in the first half! In other words I have the second half to go. It doesn't matter that I have three too many brain surgeries. What matters is what am I going to do about it in the second half!
I have seen sports teams that have been massacred in the first half of games and come back onto the field or court and recover, some ending up even winning! No, my life after the Mayo Clinic is not the ned of my story. What I realized about my visit is that nothing is as unimportant than what happened yesterday. I have today and today is a day to begin again. Yes, I admit that I have been pounded pretty good in the first half but that half is over. It is time for me to catch my breath, get a drink from the water of life and go back out there determined to change the score!
What about about you? I am sure that all of us try and deal with the problems of our pasts. Sometimes it is unavoidable. But how many of refuse to get back in the game because the first half score seems insurmountable. Let me assure you...it is NOT! So, learn from the first half experience, adjust your thinking our your attitude and get come out in the second half ready to fight the good fight. Remeber, nothing is as unimportant as the score at halftime.
I will be praying for you today as you set your sights towards the second half. Get out there and kick some butt!!!!
Blessings,
Derek
I am please to let all of you know that Christine and I have returned from our trip to the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix. We have come home with a treatment plan that has instilled hope in us. It will involve a number of different approaches from tapering back meds to counseling with an approach to chronic pain management to excercise. I will be paying close attention to my body and the messages that it is sending to me. Overall, we were pleased with our trip. The road to recovery will be difficult but I am confident.
Today, I want to share with you something that I believe I have shared before. There is one thing that we learned at the clinic which is absolute...I can't remember anything. So, if this post sounds amazingly familiar it could be due to the fact that you might have read it before. Anyhow, here it goes.
Coming back from Mayo is an interesting experience. One reason is that you are placed on a new track for recovery. The other reason, for me at least, is that it gives you the sense of starting over. The teast that I endured over those 10 days have showm me that there are just as many things are right with as wrong with me. And in that realization comes hope. Today is a new day for me. Today is a new day to begin again. I have experienced days like this before and ended up right back where I started before hope took hold of me. The great thing about today is that I can take all of those days in the past where my hope had been dashed or my excitement curtailed and think of them for what they really are...the past. For 10 days we heard about the damage that occurred because of my previous brain surgeries. Believe me it gets very old hearing, "Your problem is that you have had three too many brain surgeries." I agree wholeheartedly with that but, unfortunately, that knowledge gets me know where closer to recovery. I can't change that fact all I can do is move froward from today doing things that I can do today...right now!
Andy Andrews, who I quote often, wrote in his book "The Traveler's Gift" about Gabriel the Archangel who tells the main character David Ponder that "Nothing is as unimportant than the score at halftime". What a great philosophy! Nothing is as unimportant than what has already happened because what has already happened can be changed, fixed, addressed, or reversed by what we do today! All of my health issues that have plagued me in the past occurred in the first half! In other words I have the second half to go. It doesn't matter that I have three too many brain surgeries. What matters is what am I going to do about it in the second half!
I have seen sports teams that have been massacred in the first half of games and come back onto the field or court and recover, some ending up even winning! No, my life after the Mayo Clinic is not the ned of my story. What I realized about my visit is that nothing is as unimportant than what happened yesterday. I have today and today is a day to begin again. Yes, I admit that I have been pounded pretty good in the first half but that half is over. It is time for me to catch my breath, get a drink from the water of life and go back out there determined to change the score!
What about about you? I am sure that all of us try and deal with the problems of our pasts. Sometimes it is unavoidable. But how many of refuse to get back in the game because the first half score seems insurmountable. Let me assure you...it is NOT! So, learn from the first half experience, adjust your thinking our your attitude and get come out in the second half ready to fight the good fight. Remeber, nothing is as unimportant as the score at halftime.
I will be praying for you today as you set your sights towards the second half. Get out there and kick some butt!!!!
Blessings,
Derek
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The Search Continues...
Greetings,
For the past week Christine and I have been at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix, AZ. We have come here to try and find some answers concerning my current health problems. Over this week I have been stuck, prodded, photographed, tapped, and electrocuted, all for one reason...to find the truth. Diagnosing my health problem has become just that...a problem. My life has turned into an episode of House! For those of you familiar with the show can i think you can sympathize with me! But hope springs eternal! Christine and I have searched for answers for years and it seems, this week, we may have found some.
On Thursday I had a spinal tap and the results of that test showed that the pressure in my spinal column and brain was abnormally high. This has been the first time any of my doctors, whether it be opthamalogist, neurologist, or neurosurgeon, have mentioned it or even thought to prescribe this test. For years we have been saying, "It feels like my head is going to blow off!" "I can't stand the pressure!" But it's just now that anybody has thought to actually see if there is a problem with PRESSURE!
This has been an extraordinarily long, painful, and exhausting week. But I am glad that we are on the road to a possible course of treatment that will give me back a portion of my life. I still have tests to do on Monday so the ordeal has not yet ended. I pray that our last visit with my neurologist will be productive, constructive, and helpful. The Mayo Clinic is the best medical facility in the world in my opinion, but I am ready to go home and start living again. Will I be healed of the pain I endure each day? I don't know. Will I ever have to see another doctor? I'm sure I will. But do I think that my week at the Mayo Clinic could change my life? It already has!
Look to my blog next week as I will be giving a final report on my trip to Phoenix. This week has been a bumpy road on my journey home but I wouldn't change a thing about it. If you are a pray-er keep us in them. If you are not now is a good time to start!
God bless all of you that share my journey home!
Blessings,
Derek
For the past week Christine and I have been at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix, AZ. We have come here to try and find some answers concerning my current health problems. Over this week I have been stuck, prodded, photographed, tapped, and electrocuted, all for one reason...to find the truth. Diagnosing my health problem has become just that...a problem. My life has turned into an episode of House! For those of you familiar with the show can i think you can sympathize with me! But hope springs eternal! Christine and I have searched for answers for years and it seems, this week, we may have found some.
On Thursday I had a spinal tap and the results of that test showed that the pressure in my spinal column and brain was abnormally high. This has been the first time any of my doctors, whether it be opthamalogist, neurologist, or neurosurgeon, have mentioned it or even thought to prescribe this test. For years we have been saying, "It feels like my head is going to blow off!" "I can't stand the pressure!" But it's just now that anybody has thought to actually see if there is a problem with PRESSURE!
This has been an extraordinarily long, painful, and exhausting week. But I am glad that we are on the road to a possible course of treatment that will give me back a portion of my life. I still have tests to do on Monday so the ordeal has not yet ended. I pray that our last visit with my neurologist will be productive, constructive, and helpful. The Mayo Clinic is the best medical facility in the world in my opinion, but I am ready to go home and start living again. Will I be healed of the pain I endure each day? I don't know. Will I ever have to see another doctor? I'm sure I will. But do I think that my week at the Mayo Clinic could change my life? It already has!
Look to my blog next week as I will be giving a final report on my trip to Phoenix. This week has been a bumpy road on my journey home but I wouldn't change a thing about it. If you are a pray-er keep us in them. If you are not now is a good time to start!
God bless all of you that share my journey home!
Blessings,
Derek
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Search For Truth
Greetings,
Over the past few months I have been on a journey. Unfortunately, it's a journey that I am very familiar with. Since my very first brain surgery I have spent countless hours in doctor's offices. Whether it be a family physician, a neurologoist, a neurosurgeon, a neuro-opthamologist, a pain management specialist, an audiologist, a neuro-psychologist, or... well any other type of medical professional, I have paid my $35 co-pay for their advice. I have paid that co-pay in hopes of finding the answer to one question..."How can I find relief from my pain?"
Each time I ask that question I hold out hope that, maybe this time, I will have found someone who can give me the truth. It's not that I believe that every doctor that I have visited in the past has sent me away with an intended falsehood disguised as a diagnosis or treatment. The reality of my situation dictates that if I am going to find true pain relief it will take a monumental collaboration of an assortment of health care providers. Nonetheless I have faith that the "truth" is out there.
I have taken that belief and trekked, once again, to the Mecca of medicine, the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix, AZ. Today, I met with a neuro oncologist and had a neuro surgeon consult. Over the next week I will have my eyes tested to see why I am losing my vision, my ears tested to see why I am losing my hearing, and my braain tested to see if I am losing my mind. I await a lumbar puncture, an ECG, a BAER test (whatever that is), a VEP test (again, whatever that is), and a number of other unknown procedures as I seek to uncover the truth.
And even though a week in the desert of Arizona sounds like a vacation most of my time will be spent in an examination room. As I write this post my confidence is high. Everyone wants to know the truth, don't they? That's the crazy thing about the truth. We spend so much time seeking it we don't take enough time too consider if we are ready for it or not. I know the truth might not be what I want it to be. It might be that the reality of my health situation dictates that I won't get relief from pain and my vision will never return. If that's the truth then so be it. I just hope and pray that the truth is out there waiting to be revealed.
So, I will keep you updated each day, letting you join me in my search for the truth. Who knows, we both might learn something neither one of us knew. The "truth" is allusive, especially in the field of medicine, but I am confident that if I am going to find it, I'll find it here.
I would love to have your prayers for Christine and I especially prayers of discernment for the doctors that I am going to see each day. My prayer is that each day I can blog about the great advancements that are being made towards revealing the "truth"! See you here tomorrow!
Blessings,
Derek
Over the past few months I have been on a journey. Unfortunately, it's a journey that I am very familiar with. Since my very first brain surgery I have spent countless hours in doctor's offices. Whether it be a family physician, a neurologoist, a neurosurgeon, a neuro-opthamologist, a pain management specialist, an audiologist, a neuro-psychologist, or... well any other type of medical professional, I have paid my $35 co-pay for their advice. I have paid that co-pay in hopes of finding the answer to one question..."How can I find relief from my pain?"
Each time I ask that question I hold out hope that, maybe this time, I will have found someone who can give me the truth. It's not that I believe that every doctor that I have visited in the past has sent me away with an intended falsehood disguised as a diagnosis or treatment. The reality of my situation dictates that if I am going to find true pain relief it will take a monumental collaboration of an assortment of health care providers. Nonetheless I have faith that the "truth" is out there.
I have taken that belief and trekked, once again, to the Mecca of medicine, the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix, AZ. Today, I met with a neuro oncologist and had a neuro surgeon consult. Over the next week I will have my eyes tested to see why I am losing my vision, my ears tested to see why I am losing my hearing, and my braain tested to see if I am losing my mind. I await a lumbar puncture, an ECG, a BAER test (whatever that is), a VEP test (again, whatever that is), and a number of other unknown procedures as I seek to uncover the truth.
And even though a week in the desert of Arizona sounds like a vacation most of my time will be spent in an examination room. As I write this post my confidence is high. Everyone wants to know the truth, don't they? That's the crazy thing about the truth. We spend so much time seeking it we don't take enough time too consider if we are ready for it or not. I know the truth might not be what I want it to be. It might be that the reality of my health situation dictates that I won't get relief from pain and my vision will never return. If that's the truth then so be it. I just hope and pray that the truth is out there waiting to be revealed.
So, I will keep you updated each day, letting you join me in my search for the truth. Who knows, we both might learn something neither one of us knew. The "truth" is allusive, especially in the field of medicine, but I am confident that if I am going to find it, I'll find it here.
I would love to have your prayers for Christine and I especially prayers of discernment for the doctors that I am going to see each day. My prayer is that each day I can blog about the great advancements that are being made towards revealing the "truth"! See you here tomorrow!
Blessings,
Derek
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