Greetings,
If you follow my blog you will notice that there has been a big gap between my last blog and this one. I want to take a moment and explain why that has been the case.
In one of my latest blogs I spoke of forgiveness. In that blog I poured out words and feelings that I have had trapped inside me for many years. In examining that blog I realized that I needed to get a grip on my forgiveness situation! So, I decided to take some time off from blogging about my journey home and work on my journey!
I have to say that is has been a wonderfully productive time! I have been studying and praying about the subject of forgiveness in a deeper and more truthful way. I went back and read scripture and writings about forgiveness (see Chapter 8 of The Traveler's Gift). In my study I was brought to my knees at the foot of the cross in anguish over this unforgiveness in my heart. I had gotten to a place where my unforgiveness had started to take a physical toll on me. I started have seizures because of the stress I would experience every time I thought of certain individuals and circumstances. It had to stop!
Through the Word of God, prayer, and help from colleagues and close friends, I have now come to a place in my life where unforgiveness no longer has a hold of my life. It has been an exhausting journey but a good one. Obviously, I have not completed my journey of forgiveness. It will continue throughout my life. However, I do feel like I have better tools to cope with any situation that might pop up from time to time. I have realized a few things regarding forgiveness and I would like to share those things with you today.
First of all, forgiveness is not for the other person it is for me. I have come to a place in my life where I have realized that unforgiveness is a stumbling block between me and God not me and someone else. If I want to have the kind of relationship with God that He wants me to have I need to remove the stumbling block of unforgiveness. My heart can't hold that burden and still be open to the will of God in my life. I forgive because I have been forgiven. I love because I am loved. I show mercy, compassion, truth, and grace, because those are the things I received from my Creator. True forgiveness is experienced in our hearts not in our words.
Secondly, I realized that the act of forgiveness can only be real in my life by the working of God's Spirit in my life! For many years now I have tried to forgive with my own strength. I would say the words and act as if those words meant what I wanted them to mean. I was wrong and I spent those years living in the trap of unholy forgiveness. Forgiveness is only real when it is backed by the love of God. Simply saying the words gets me no closer to God. I have to have the strength of God's forgiveness behind those words. The power of the forgiveness of the cross is the strength that I needed!
Finally, I realized that the forgiveness that I need to show to others is the same forgiveness that I have received from God. How arrogant I found myself to be in thinking that I could show forgiveness to whomever I deemed worthy enough to receive it. Through the cross God gave His son as a perfect sacrifice and though that sacrifice I have been forgiven. If the God of all creation can bestow forgiveness to me can't I find it in my heart and my life to show that forgiveness to others? We are called to share the gospel of Christ with others not hoard it to ourselves.
Over the past month I have taken a journey of forgiveness and I am a better person because of it. The sun seems to shine a little brighter, the air seems a little fresher, and my relationship with God is stronger because of forgiveness!
So, I want you know that I am back! My journey home is no different than yours. There are certain times when you have to stop for a moment and take stock in what you have gained and lost in your walk towards the cross. We all get off the path. I know I did. But, glory be to God, our loving Father always encourages us to stop and check the directions for our journey home!
May God bless you in your journey today and always! Amen.
Blessings,
Derek
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Surgery!
Greetings,
Very seldom, on my journey home, do I talk about the impact my surgeries have made on my family. Jacob, my son, wrote a poem in his English class and I would like to share it with you. It gives you a brief glimpse of how the terror of brain surgery impacts a son.
This shouldn’t be happening.
Not to us.
Dad never did anything to anyone or to God
But reality showed that what was happening was real.
My dad was laying in a hospital bed with a six inch scar running down his head.
I sit in a hallway
In front of the surgery wing.
Being 10 seemed to shield the thoughts of the future from my mind.
Doors open.
And my life would be changed.
He was ok
But we knew that the effects would last an eternity.
We all worked.
We all worked to help his memory,
His skills,
His thoughts.
Today I have my dad
He is well.
But the symbol of pain
Struggle
And love….
Is a six inch scar that runs down his head.
I am proud of my children. Through so much fear and doubt they have endured!
Blessings,
Derek
Very seldom, on my journey home, do I talk about the impact my surgeries have made on my family. Jacob, my son, wrote a poem in his English class and I would like to share it with you. It gives you a brief glimpse of how the terror of brain surgery impacts a son.
This shouldn’t be happening.
Not to us.
Dad never did anything to anyone or to God
But reality showed that what was happening was real.
My dad was laying in a hospital bed with a six inch scar running down his head.
I sit in a hallway
In front of the surgery wing.
Being 10 seemed to shield the thoughts of the future from my mind.
Doors open.
And my life would be changed.
He was ok
But we knew that the effects would last an eternity.
We all worked.
We all worked to help his memory,
His skills,
His thoughts.
Today I have my dad
He is well.
But the symbol of pain
Struggle
And love….
Is a six inch scar that runs down his head.
I am proud of my children. Through so much fear and doubt they have endured!
Blessings,
Derek
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I Am Ordinary!
Greetings,
I want to thank all of you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to follow me on my journey home. For those of you who keep up with my blogs you can attest to the fact that it has been a rough journey. Nevertheless, it is the journey that God has placed me on I will do my best to make Him proud!
Today, I want to share with you some of the thoughts that have been weighing heavy upon me lately. One of the statements in Andy Andrews' book The Traveler's Gift has gotten me in quite a fit! The statement is "I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit". Crap! I can tell I am not going to like this one right off the bat. However, I have tried and I am trying to make this statement come true in my life. I want to have a forgiving spirit. I want to be able to say that people don't have control over my emotions. I truly believe that God wants me to be a forgiver. BUT....I just can't let people off the hook like that!
Are you that way? I hope there is somebody out there who is reading this blog and saying to themselves, "I know exactly what you are talking about Derek". I pray that I am not the only one who is struggling with this. Surely, there is someone who will stand up and say, "I have trouble forgiving people too!" Of course the reason I want to know that there is someone else out there is because I don't want to be the only bad guy in all the internet!
We are like that, aren't we? We like to know that are other people doing the same bad stuff that we are doing. It makes it sound better if it's more than just you breaking some moral code. We like company in our sins. It makes us feel a little bit better. "Well, so and so is doing it too". Something about a bridge and you doing it as well comes to my mind. Why do I want to know that there is someone else out there who is having trouble forgiving? What in the world does someone else's life have to do with me and my hang-ups? I will tell you why.
I like to know that there are others like me because, in my mind, in our minds, we all want to be pretty average. Now wait, before you start calling me names and deleting this web site from your computer hear me out! From a very young age we are taught that we can, pretty much, be anything we want to be. Isn't that true? Mom or Dad says, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". Of course the answers of fireman, policeman, astronaut, and professional athlete are the ones that come to mind. In reality the statement you can be whatever you want to be is just a flat out lie. You can't be whatever you want to be. I wanted to be a major league baseball player but I am not. Why? Did I not want it enough? I mean I really WANTED to play baseball in the major leagues yet, somehow me wanting something and it actually happening are two different things. You can't be whatever you want but you can be whatever God wants you to be!
This is where I get to the average guy. You know who I am talking about. It's the person who is average. The one who goes to work and pays his bills. He goes to church on Sunday and loves his family very much. That's where most of us live. We don't make millions. We don't have advertisement deals or walk red carpets to some awards show. We watch other people doing that! However, when we really get down to the brass tacks we like this guy. We want to be average! We want to be average because, when you think about it, those are the types of people that God uses all the time. I know I have a problem with forgiveness. I know that my heart hardens toward some people. I know that I am a sinner. But, what I also know is that even in the midst of my unforgiveness and sin God still uses me. And he uses you too!
Think of David in the Bible. He was murderer, an adulterer, a liar, and a cheat. Still, he is one of the most familiar individuals in the Bible. Through David, God let His word be heard. David was average, well as average as king can be! But what about the other Bible heroes? Weren't they average. God picked ordinary people to be prophets. Twelve ordinary people became the apostles of Christ. God loves ordinary. He loves to take the ordinary and make them extraordinary for Him.
So, you are probably thinking, "Derek I have no idea what you are talking about! What in the world does this have to do with you not being able to forgive?" Well, here it is. I try to have a forgiving heart, I really do. But what if my inability to forgive begins to eat away at me? What if this flaw that I have begins to tear away at the fabric of my faith? What if I begin to believe that, because of this unforgiveness, I am not worthy to serve God which I' not! But thanks to the grace that God has given to me I am worthy! When I begin to believe that my sins make me unworthy and incapable of serving God, then the devil's got me!
I have trouble with unforgiveness but I am trying. I am a sinner but God still uses me. I am average, ordinary, and mediocre at best. But with God in my life I become more. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know that others struggle the same way you do. It's encouraging! What's even better is knowing that God is using those people too. I WILL seek to have a forgiving spirit and I am doing better at it! However, not being all the way there doesn't keep me from serving God. When we start to believe that we have to be perfect to serve our creator then the creation will never become what the creator intended his creation to be! Did you get all that? Let me make it simple...You are a sinner, you are average, you have unforgivenss in your heart! So do I! But God loves us! He loves the people who say, "Holy Moly I have got some problems in my life. I try but I just can't forgive so and so!" He loves the people who can admit that they are not perfect but that they can be through the blood of Jesus Christ!
So, you go on being average. Continue being normal! Strive to be ordinary! Because the ordinary become extraordinary when they let God into their lives! My name is Derek Hutchison and I am ordinary! Yeah for me! Until next time.
Blessings,
Derek
I want to thank all of you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to follow me on my journey home. For those of you who keep up with my blogs you can attest to the fact that it has been a rough journey. Nevertheless, it is the journey that God has placed me on I will do my best to make Him proud!
Today, I want to share with you some of the thoughts that have been weighing heavy upon me lately. One of the statements in Andy Andrews' book The Traveler's Gift has gotten me in quite a fit! The statement is "I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit". Crap! I can tell I am not going to like this one right off the bat. However, I have tried and I am trying to make this statement come true in my life. I want to have a forgiving spirit. I want to be able to say that people don't have control over my emotions. I truly believe that God wants me to be a forgiver. BUT....I just can't let people off the hook like that!
Are you that way? I hope there is somebody out there who is reading this blog and saying to themselves, "I know exactly what you are talking about Derek". I pray that I am not the only one who is struggling with this. Surely, there is someone who will stand up and say, "I have trouble forgiving people too!" Of course the reason I want to know that there is someone else out there is because I don't want to be the only bad guy in all the internet!
We are like that, aren't we? We like to know that are other people doing the same bad stuff that we are doing. It makes it sound better if it's more than just you breaking some moral code. We like company in our sins. It makes us feel a little bit better. "Well, so and so is doing it too". Something about a bridge and you doing it as well comes to my mind. Why do I want to know that there is someone else out there who is having trouble forgiving? What in the world does someone else's life have to do with me and my hang-ups? I will tell you why.
I like to know that there are others like me because, in my mind, in our minds, we all want to be pretty average. Now wait, before you start calling me names and deleting this web site from your computer hear me out! From a very young age we are taught that we can, pretty much, be anything we want to be. Isn't that true? Mom or Dad says, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". Of course the answers of fireman, policeman, astronaut, and professional athlete are the ones that come to mind. In reality the statement you can be whatever you want to be is just a flat out lie. You can't be whatever you want to be. I wanted to be a major league baseball player but I am not. Why? Did I not want it enough? I mean I really WANTED to play baseball in the major leagues yet, somehow me wanting something and it actually happening are two different things. You can't be whatever you want but you can be whatever God wants you to be!
This is where I get to the average guy. You know who I am talking about. It's the person who is average. The one who goes to work and pays his bills. He goes to church on Sunday and loves his family very much. That's where most of us live. We don't make millions. We don't have advertisement deals or walk red carpets to some awards show. We watch other people doing that! However, when we really get down to the brass tacks we like this guy. We want to be average! We want to be average because, when you think about it, those are the types of people that God uses all the time. I know I have a problem with forgiveness. I know that my heart hardens toward some people. I know that I am a sinner. But, what I also know is that even in the midst of my unforgiveness and sin God still uses me. And he uses you too!
Think of David in the Bible. He was murderer, an adulterer, a liar, and a cheat. Still, he is one of the most familiar individuals in the Bible. Through David, God let His word be heard. David was average, well as average as king can be! But what about the other Bible heroes? Weren't they average. God picked ordinary people to be prophets. Twelve ordinary people became the apostles of Christ. God loves ordinary. He loves to take the ordinary and make them extraordinary for Him.
So, you are probably thinking, "Derek I have no idea what you are talking about! What in the world does this have to do with you not being able to forgive?" Well, here it is. I try to have a forgiving heart, I really do. But what if my inability to forgive begins to eat away at me? What if this flaw that I have begins to tear away at the fabric of my faith? What if I begin to believe that, because of this unforgiveness, I am not worthy to serve God which I' not! But thanks to the grace that God has given to me I am worthy! When I begin to believe that my sins make me unworthy and incapable of serving God, then the devil's got me!
I have trouble with unforgiveness but I am trying. I am a sinner but God still uses me. I am average, ordinary, and mediocre at best. But with God in my life I become more. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know that others struggle the same way you do. It's encouraging! What's even better is knowing that God is using those people too. I WILL seek to have a forgiving spirit and I am doing better at it! However, not being all the way there doesn't keep me from serving God. When we start to believe that we have to be perfect to serve our creator then the creation will never become what the creator intended his creation to be! Did you get all that? Let me make it simple...You are a sinner, you are average, you have unforgivenss in your heart! So do I! But God loves us! He loves the people who say, "Holy Moly I have got some problems in my life. I try but I just can't forgive so and so!" He loves the people who can admit that they are not perfect but that they can be through the blood of Jesus Christ!
So, you go on being average. Continue being normal! Strive to be ordinary! Because the ordinary become extraordinary when they let God into their lives! My name is Derek Hutchison and I am ordinary! Yeah for me! Until next time.
Blessings,
Derek
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