The Prodigal Son

Greetings,

For those of you who have kept up with my journey know that I have been writing a memoir of my life.  I have worked on it for almost a year and I am getting very close to having it finished.  For the next few weeks I would like to share with you some excerpts from this project.

...Many days and nights following my second and third brain surgeries I struggled to come to terms with the person I had become.  My head told me that I had no reason to demand anything from God.  He had been with me through all of my surgeries and He would be with me after them.  My head told me that but my heart told me something else.  I would never try and justify the anger and resentment that I felt towards God.  That would go against everything that I had believed in.  I knew that I served a God of love and grace.  I had felt that love many times in my life.  Yet, deep down, in places we don't talk about, I also felt that my service justified a better result than I was experiencing at that particular moment.  I truly believed that God owed me something.  I wasn't quite sure what it was exactly but I knew it wasn't what I was getting.

Following my second and third surgery the pain was almost unbearable.  It still is to this day.  It was in the midst of this pain when I decided that God owed me and it was time to cash in.  Luke 15 tells of a son that decides he has had his fill of work on the farm and has decided to cash in his inheritance.  He was asking his father to give him something that, at that moment, was not rightfully his.  He wanted to take what he thought he was owed and head out into the big, bright world.  After all, the blessing was going to be his anyway sometime, some day.  But the fact was it wasn't his right now. 

Looking back I see myself as the prodigal son.  I wanted what I thought my father owed me.  I wanted relief from pain, a better day, a moment of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual peace.  I am not sure if it was what I was owed but I know it was something I couldn't demand.  I often wonder if the prodigal son really knew what he was asking.  I imagine that he presumed that life in the big city would be a better life.  It wasn't what his father wanted for him but the son never stopped to consider his father's plan.

That happens to us so often.  In the midst of pain or trials, persecution or tribulations, we decide that we know what is best for us.  Very seldom do we stop and consider the plans that God might have for us. 
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(NIV)  Did you catch it?  God has a plan for us, He has a plan!  That means that His plan is what is best for us.  It is a plan that calls us into communion with Him.  It is a plan that provides prosperity and hope in our lives.  Looking back I see the arrogance of my actions.  How haughty I must have been to think that, when it came to my life, I knew better than God.  I was the prodigal son!  But, by the grace of God, I made it through the pain and realized that it was time to come home.  I didn't know what kind of reception I was going to receive from Him but I didn't care.  I needed to find my way home.  Little did I know that the journey home would be so hard!

I pray that each of us would realize that God has a plan for our lives.  It is a plan that takes us into the very heart of God.  I am blessed to be able to share with you my struggles of finding my way home to the Father.  I have come to realize that the choice of recycling our pain brings hope to others.  May your journey home begin today!

Blessings,

Derek