Remember It...Don't Relive It!

 Greetings,


I pray that you are experiencing and recognizing the grace of God in your life today!

Today is the first the day of February 2010. It's hard to believe that January has passed. The beginning of February always takes me back to my first brain surgery. I had my first brain surgery on Jan.27, 2003. It wasn't until the first week of February that I was able to come home. I can remember those days of sleeping on the couch what seemed to be 20 hours a day. I can also remember the sadness in my mother's eyes when she tried to get me to eat something and I just did not have the appetite. I can also remember sitting on the side of the bath tub after taking a bath and wishing and begging to God that this pain would end. I can remember getting the nineteen staples taken out of the back of my head.

All of us have those times in the year that we either celebrate a memory of an event that bought great joy or dread the remembrance of an event that, to this day, still hurts. I am not sure which type of memory my first brain surgery resembles. I know that I can still remember the pain because it really hasn't gone away. But I don't think I remember the surgery in the same way. I spent many hours in a neuro-psychologist office to make sure that was case. I am not a big fan of psychologists. It's not that I don't think that psychology is a useful tool in recovery it's just that I really haven't met many psychologists that I liked! My neuro-psychologist was different. He was a very pleasant man and took the time to realize that I really wasn't paying attention to much he was saying. I am sure that is some fault in my personality that I should work on. Maybe I'll try that...nah, probably not! However, I do remember something that he said that has made a huge difference in my life. After my first surgery, and the second one as well, I had nightmares of waking up in the neuron ICU and being in so much pain. It was my first surgery that I got air trapped in my brain and it hurt! I mean it really hurt! I am talking about the kind of hurt that will make you wet yourself! It's the 10 when the doc asks you, "on a scale of 1 to 10, what is your pain level?" It was a 10, no 15, wait 20, well you get the idea, it hurt. Anyway, the neuro-psychologist told me that I needed to get to a place in my life where I could remember the surgery without reliving the surgery.

Believe it or not, there is a big difference in the two. Remembering the surgery is what I do now. On January27, 2003 I had life altering brain surgery. There it is, no big deal. It is a fact to me and, although I still live with pain, the pain that I live with does not remind me of the surgery. I remember it but I don't relive it. Each day I wake up I thank God for the opportunity I have to put my feet on the floor and get up and something for Him. It took me a while to get to that place but, the point is, I’m there. I don't relive my surgery everyday but every day I remember I've had brain surgery. One brings despair and doubt the other brings hope and a sense of accomplishment.

What about your journey? No doubt there are days on your calendar that are either marked with happy faces or sadly lived out because of the memory they hold. Each one of us have days of despair that are marked with a day, or a month, or a year. Everyone who was a live and able to understand what was going on during the day of November 22, 1963 remembers where they were. If you don't remember that day in Dallas you were either too small or not alive. It is that way for my generation on September 11th. But whether it's November 22nd, or December 7th, or September 11th we all have our days.

How can we begin to remember those days without reliving them? Maybe the pain is so great that we can't. But shouldn't we try? Don't we owe it to ourselves? Shouldn't we refuse to let memories of the past define who we are today? My journey home has taught me many things in life. Still, the greatest thing I have learned is that I serve a God that looks forward and not back. He is a God that is more interested in what I can do for Him today than what I might have accomplished for Him yesterday. If that is the God I serve then I should have the same mindset. My name is Derek Hutchison and I survived three brain surgeries, but what have I done for God today? Let us be people of God who can remember the awful without reliving it. And in doing so, we pay honor to that past without letting it lead our future.

I pray that I will see you on the journey home!

Blessings,

Derek